emotional posts are usually a horrible idea, especially when they are written while you're in the midst of whatever is making you emotional... despite that problem, i want to post and since no one really reads this unless i put it in my profile, it'll be okay i think.... and also, i have no cell phone, no landline, and therefore am restricted entirely to electronic communication. thus, i write.

basically, the last few days have been a butt-load of spiritual attack for me. i managed to flood the front of my car b/c the new windshield was not properly installed and in the process, my cell phone (which was cozy in my cupholder) died a slow and painful death of drowning! yeah, it's really sad and really pathetic b/c without my phone, i really cant do my job--you know, call people..follow up on letters, etc.

the people who were sent to fix my windshield for the second time came and then left without speaking to me about what kind of repairs they made....then later that night lake erie sprung in the front cup holders again. major bummer...def was a failed attempt to fix the windshield and a very annoying situation for me.

the windshield will be fixed on monday--in the meantime i'm driving a rental car.

the phone will arrive on tuesday at the latest--in the meantime i'm using the upstairs neighbors phone and anyone's cell i can borrow when i'm arround them.

my spirits probably couldnt have been lower as they were last night. however, tonight i hit another low. you know how arguements with people you really love and care about can be like the final blow? the last straw to your strong facade? well, yeah so that happened tonight, and i think i've lost it (no, it didnt involve my bf). sometimes i wonder why on earth i'm where i am at in life. those kinds of moments leave me feeling like the effort, excitment, & passion I put into my work and my life are a waste. because if someone who matters to me more than most people in the world cannot see the love i have for them or for the world around me, is it not failure? i feel like Satan knows those things about me, the weaknesses, the people in my life that can love me the most and yet hurt me the most and uses it to tear me down.

i guess all that to say i need to learn to attack this stuff headon and see it for what it is...serious spiritual warfare. it's not going to get me in the defeated mode...instead, i will get prayer, i will seek God even more, and i will ask my friends to pray. God is bigger than these problems and he goes out before me! he's victorious in battle (somewhere in proverbs)!!! I know God has a plan for me and that I'm in the center of his will for my life. and that, at least, gives me great hope. I will continue to raise my support steadily, and trust in He who made me!!!!